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Remembering Cameron

Some of Cameron's friends came by to make rocks for the cemetery and stories for his scrapbook.

 

"ROCK ON" CAMERON...

 

 

The rooster loves Alex...he's a vegetarian.

 

 

 

 

Cameron's life was like a beautiful song and his song plays on within the hearts of those he left behind...

 

These are some of the tattoos people have gotten for Cameron.........

 

This one is Kyle's:

 

 This one is Chris's:

Brian Frank's

Jeana getting her tattoo-

 Jeana's tattoo

 

Taylor's:

 

Courtney's:

 This one is my friend Shelly's:

 

Mine's a little smaller...

 (and my mom has one just like this in lighter blue-her first tattoo too!)

and my dad got this one on his arm.

 

This is Kristen's (his little sister):

 Emily's <3

 

 

My cousin Debbie's

Cameron's cousin JR's

 

These are just some.

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For Cameron's birthday 2008, we sent notes to him via a balloon release at the cemetery.  It was a celebration of the wonderful 18 and a half years we had him here.  He was and will always be a blessing and I'm so proud to be his mother.  Below are some of the pictures and speech read.

 

Cameron is buried with his Great Uncle whom I never even knew but was very special to my mom.  He is also next to his Grandmother, who I know is taking very good care of him in heaven for me, as she did for me when I was a teen. She's the sweetest ever!

 

 

The following was read on Cameron's birthday

 (Written by another heartbroken mother)

 along with a speech I wrote:

Imagine someone has opened your chest with clawed hands,
grabbed your heart in a crushing grip and torn it from your body.
But you do not die. You remain alive, in agony.
Agony that will continue for days,
weeks, months and years.

This is what it feels like when your child dies.
An emptiness and pain that defies words.

I would never again see his smile,
hear his laugh
or feel his hand in mine.
I would never again hold his warm body close and
breathe in the scent of his hair. I would never
know the man he would have grown up to be.

I wondered why I still lived,
and how I was supposed to keep going.
I wanted to die; I wasn't suicidal - it's just that
the only way to end my pain was death.

Never again will I feel 'whole'.
My whole future is flavored by the loss of my son.
A part of me went with him,
and a gaping hole exists that his warm
presence once filled.

I asked questions that no one could answer;
Why did he die?
Why not me instead?
Death has struck close to me once -
what if it happens again?
What do I do now?
How will I manage?
Why am I still here?

I rode an emotional roller coaster.
One moment I felt I was managing well -
the next I was curled up in a corner
pleading with God to take me, right now.
I went for long periods where I did well and thought,
"Okay, I've accepted it."
Then out of the blue, it hit me anew -
"He's dead. God, he's really dead."
And I began a new round of grieving.

Gradually, I found that the lows
weren't quite as low as the previous ones,
and that I rose from them quicker.
Then just when I thought I was cruising on a level piece of track,
it dropped out from under me yet again.

I did this over and over and over,
but living with it gradually became easier,
and I even found that I could live a 'normal' life again,
although it was a new normality.

I will never forget him.
He will live forever in my heart
and in my memories.
Death makes him no less a part of our family.
Living with the fact that my child has died
does not mean forgetting.
It means knowing and accepting that he is gone,

but still holding close those precious memories.
It means that my love for him does not change.

It's about remembering that my son would not expect
nor want me to spend the rest of my life
in misery.
My new normality is not necessarily an unhappy one.

My son’s life and death is part of what makes me who I am.
It has had an immense impact on the way I look at life,
and although I wish he was still here,
I know that I have grown from my experience.

We want to celebrate his birthday rather than his death-day.
To us it's more important that he was born than that he died.
We choose to celebrate his life,
not his death.
It means more to us
that he was here
than that he left.

Remember?
Always.

Love?
Eternally.

Forget?

Never.

Never.

(A variation of Losing a Piece of Me, Written by Tammie Thompson)

 

A special thank you to everyone who came to help us celebrate Cameron's life on his birthday this year.  Some of you did not even know Cameron, but know how much we miss him and how important he is and will always be to us.  As the end of my speech stated: "Even if I had known I would only have Cameron for 18 1/2 years, I would still have had him.  That we could have him even a small time was a blessing.  He was and will always be one of the sweetest and greatest gifts God gave me.  I know that he will always be with me.  My Angel, I thank you for the love you gave.  So from down here below, we all miss you badly and we still love you so.  If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever." 

 

 

 

 

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For Cameron's one year angel-versary, his sister, his nanny and I went to Skyventure.  It is as close to skydiving as any of us are going to get but it was a lot of fun.  Cameron always wanted to skydive being the adventurer he was.   I know he was with us watching and laughing.